Saint Sue of Nouvell Orleon

Well, they say when it rains it pours....this week has been cats and dogs. The alternator on the van went out, Gabriel was suspended from school for 2 days, Grace had a trip to E.R., my deployment date got moved up a day and we are completely and utterly broke. So I decided to go and donate plasma just to be told my blood pressure was 1 point too low to donate. I bearly made it home before the truck ran out of gas. Not really knowing how the next few days are going to go, I go outside to find Max leaving up against the fence with his head down. I knew already what he was doing....he was praying...something we both do on a regular basis now. I put my hand on his shoulder as he sighed, we gave each other one of those " it'll be alright" looks and walked back inside the house. His phone was ringing when we walked back in and who should it be but the mama-san herself. She was calling to get help with her phone from Max. Max proceeds to tell her what's going on with us, they get off the phone and I swear not 5 minutes goes by before she is calling back to ask where she should send $$$ (she was in the western union line!!!) I have been holding back tears all week, doing my best to "hold it together" and I could bearly squeeze out a grateful thank you through the lump in my throat. Thank you St. Sue or should I say Mighty Mouse, because you definitely saved the day!

Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness

I found out today that the first people from my platoon are leaving on Tuesday. To say that this shit has finally hit home is an understatement. I have been fighting alot with my husband lately. Petty things really. It doesn't last but we both know why. Things have been better between us than they have been in along time. We have been through just about everything a couple can go through, and through every hardship, we have immerged stronger and better people. Yet again we are faced with another difficult task ahead...deployment. It's not the first time we've had to say goodbye, but this may be the hardest one. No amount of words can describe the utter sadness I feel about leaving my family behind. But I do look forward to the ultimate reward...

Deploying

Well, I've never written one of these before, so I decided to try it out. The day's are getting short now....the countdown is officially on. It's still not real. It still feels like I'm only telling people that I'm getting ready to deploy but that I'm really not doing so, like an elaborate story. Telling people and saying goodbye should by all rights make it more real, but I have this sort of twisted view on it, Telling people will make it go away... So much for wishful thinking. It's not that I don't want to serve my country, or make my family and friends proud, or to give my kids a real role model and someone to look up to. I love wearing this uniform, I feel as if I've always been destined to put it on. The truth of it all is that I'm nervous. I'm nervous about doing my job and doing it right. I've always been my own worst critic. I hate having to miss out on a year of my children lives. I'm nervous that something stupid will happen and I won't come back to them the same mama, or worse not at all. I'm asking all of my friends and family that know the personal struggles I have gone through, everything I have overcome to get to this point to simply pray....pray for my family, pray for my unit, and pray for me. I am a soldier and honored to do my part and honored to wear this uniform. Now smile and think of something funny.